Twenty two years of this and I have never told a single friend
Posted as never_told_a_soul
- Looking for
- one person who would know all of it rather than half
- Experience
- Twenty two years, two long arrangements, both kept entirely separate.
- Around
- the south side, Glasgow
Twenty two years of this and I have never told a single friend. Not one. That is the part I find hardest, considerably harder than anything I have ever done in a room, and I am starting to think it is the actual problem.
Forty four, switch, south side. Married for a while, not now, no children, and a large circle of people I have known since school to whom I am, in one specific way, a stranger.
I am not asking anybody to fix that and I am certainly not about to start announcing things. What I want is one person who knows all of it, with nothing edited out. I have never had that. Both of my long arrangements were with people who knew the kink and not the rest of my life, and I kept the two apart so successfully that I ended up with two lives and very little overlap.
So: one person, both directions, ongoing, and eventually somebody I could introduce to a friend as a friend without my heart going.
Not looking to be out to anybody else, and that is a limit rather than a stage I am passing through. Not looking for a person who finds the secrecy exciting, because it is not exciting, it is tiring. Not looking for advice about it, which is always offered by people who told somebody once and found that it went fine. What I would say in my own defence is that twenty two years of keeping something quiet in this city is not paranoia, it is arithmetic, and anybody who has lived here that long already knows the sum.