My whole family lives twenty minutes away and that decides everything
Posted as sunday_lunch_problem
- Looking for
- a dominant who understands discretion that is about family rather than work
- Experience
- Seven years, two dynamics, both of them invisible to everybody.
- Around
- the east of the city, Hamburg
Most of the discretion on this board is about employers. Mine is not. My parents, both my brothers and four cousins live within twenty minutes of me, and Sunday is not optional. That is a warmer problem than a work one and it is a considerably bigger one.
Forty three, submissive, east of the city, seven years in. Both of my dynamics were completely invisible and both lasted years, and I did not find the secrecy difficult, which I understand is not everybody's experience.
What it means in practice: nothing at my flat, because my mother has a key and uses it. Nothing that leaves a mark my sister in law would notice across a table. No photographs, ever. And Sundays are gone, permanently, which rules out about half the people who write to me.
What I want is a long arrangement with somebody who has their own place and their own life. Structure, service, rules that live in my head rather than on my body. I am reliable and I do not cancel. I have Saturday afternoons and most weekday evenings and I treat them as fixed once they are agreed.
I would slightly rather be with somebody also from here, who understands the shape of a family like mine without needing a lecture about it. If you are not, that is fine, but please do not tell me to simply say no to Sunday. Not looking for anyone who wants to be introduced to anybody. Not looking for a dynamic that requires daily contact. Not looking for a person who reads all of this as shame, because it is not that.