Autistic, submissive, and I need you to say the actual thing
Posted as name_the_behaviour
- Looking for
- a dominant who is explicit rather than suggestive
- Experience
- Three years, one dynamic, ended over things neither of us said.
- Around
- St Pauli side, Hamburg
Hints do not work on me. Tone does not work on me. If you want something, say it in words, and if I have got something wrong, tell me what specifically, because I will not deduce it from the atmosphere in the room.
Twenty seven, submissive, autistic, three years in. My last dynamic ended because she kept expecting me to notice she was unhappy and I kept not noticing, and by the time it was said out loud we were both angry about six weeks of things I had genuinely never seen.
What works for me turns out to be unusually good for the person leading. Explicit rules I can follow exactly. Written expectations I can reread. Routines that stay the same. Correction that names the behaviour instead of describing a feeling. I am reliable to a degree people find slightly comic.
What is hard: surprises, changes of plan on the day, loud rooms, and anything where I am supposed to guess. I also need to know roughly how long something will last before it starts, which some people find unromantic and which I am not going to apologise for. I mask well, so I will seem fine for about two hours and then not be fine, and I would rather tell you that now than have you find out.
Not looking for anyone who thinks explicit instruction ruins the mood. Not looking for someone who wants to draw me out of my shell. Not looking for a first meeting anywhere crowded, which I will refuse politely and then fail to suggest an alternative to unless you do.