Twenty five, absolutely terrified, and posting anyway
Posted as terrified_and_typing
- Looking for
- one patient person and a conversation with no plan attached
- Experience
- None whatsoever. Two years of reading and worrying.
- Around
- the city centre, Liverpool
My hands are actually shaking, which is ridiculous, because nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen tonight. I have written and binned three versions of this and the binned ones were all much cleverer than this one.
Twenty five, city centre, sharing a flat with my best mate who does not know and will not be told. I have never done any of this with anybody. I have known since I was about nineteen. I have read a frankly embarrassing amount and none of it has made me any braver.
What I want first is to talk to someone. Not to meet, not yet, not for a while. Just to be able to say some of this to a person instead of to a search bar at two in the morning, and to find out whether I sound as strange out loud as I do in my own head.
I think what I am after underneath it is structure and being looked after by somebody who takes it seriously. But I would rather say I am not sure than pretend to a confidence I do not have.
Not looking for anybody who wants to meet this week. Not looking for photographs and I will not be sending any. Not looking for someone who finds a nervous twenty five year old appealing, because I would like to be talked to like an adult who is new, not like a project.