Eleven first meetings this year and not one second one
Posted as eleven_first_coffees
- Looking for
- one dominant, for years, with weekly contact and a shape to it
- Experience
- Twelve years in, and rather worse at this than I was at the start.
- Around
- the east end, Toronto
Eleven first meetings this year. Not one of them turned into a second. I have kept a note of it, which I appreciate is the behaviour of somebody who is not having a good time.
Here is what happens. Weeks of good messages. A pleasant hour somewhere public. A warm goodbye. Then either nothing at all, or three days of gradually shorter replies before nothing at all. Two of the eleven told me afterwards that they had never actually intended to meet anybody and simply liked the conversation, which I found genuinely astonishing.
Thirty nine, the east end, submissive, twelve years in. I am not new and I am not naive, and I am posting again anyway, because the alternative is deciding that this part of my life is finished, and I refuse.
What I want is boring and specific. One dominant. Something that runs for years. Weekly contact, monthly at the absolute minimum, and enough structure that I know what I am supposed to be doing on a Wednesday. I have done the intense version and I did not like it. I want the version where somebody knows what I had for dinner.
If you are going to lose interest, lose it before we meet. I will not be offended. I will be relieved. Not looking for correspondence. Not looking for anybody who describes themselves as busy in the first three messages, because that has been a reliable signal every single time. Not looking to be talked out of my tone, which I am aware of, and which I have earned.