I have stopped waiting for one person to do both
Posted as given_up_on_one
- Looking for
- two separate arrangements, and complete honesty about that
- Experience
- Fourteen years, half of it spent short of one half or the other.
- Around
- the Black Country, Birmingham
Fourteen years of looking for a partner who genuinely wanted both directions has produced exactly one person who could, and she moved to Scotland. So I have changed the plan. I am looking for two arrangements with two different people, each of whom knows about the other from the beginning.
Forty four, the Black Country, and slightly relieved to have written that down.
In practice that means one person I answer to and one person who answers to me, running separately, neither of them romantic in the ordinary sense and both intended to last. I have thought about the obvious objections. Jealousy is the first one people raise and my answer is that it is entirely possible, which is exactly why everybody would know everything from the start, and why I would rather the whole idea fell apart in the first month than the second year.
I am not new at either end. Nine years mostly leading and five years mostly not. I am better at leading and hungrier for the other, which is an awkward combination to advertise.
Not looking for secrecy of any kind between the three of us. Not looking for either person to meet the other unless they want to. And not looking for anybody who assumes this is a temporary measure until the right single person turns up, because I spent fourteen years waiting for her and I am finished with that.