BDSM personals in Birmingham
Birmingham sits in the middle of the country and the board shows it: people post from the wider Midlands and treat an hour on the motorway as normal. The city is large but the visible scene is quieter than the population would predict, so the board carries more first-time posts than most and more people saying plainly that they do not know how this works yet.
Posts come from the city centre, Moseley, the Jewellery Quarter, Solihull and the Black Country. People lead with where they are for a reason.
Dominants in Birmingham
People looking to lead, and saying what that means to them.
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Most of you are beginners, and I am going to say yes to one
Looking for: one inexperienced submissive for something long, chosen carefully
Nine years leading, two long dynamics, a great many first messages.
Almost everybody who writes to me from this city has never done any of this before. That is not a complaint, it is simply what this board is, and after a year of politely explaining that I do not have the time to teach anybody I have changed my mind. I have the time for one.
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I only do this with women, and that part is not up for discussion
Looking for: a submissive woman for something long, local and unhurried
Twelve years, three dynamics, the shortest of them two years.
I get four or five messages a month from men who have read that line and decided it is a challenge, an oversight, or something I will reconsider once I meet the right one. It has been twelve years. I am not going to reconsider, and I have stopped being polite by about the fourth message.
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I coached for ten years, and this is not the same, but it rhymes
Looking for: somebody who wants to be pushed towards something specific
Four years leading, ten years coaching before that, one long dynamic.
For ten years I coached a junior side and then an adult one, and the thing I was actually good at was knowing how hard to push a particular person on a particular day. Some of them needed telling. Some needed leaving alone entirely. Getting that wrong once could cost you somebody for a whole season, and occasionally for good.
Submissives in Birmingham
People looking to submit, on terms they set out first.
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Rules are restful, and I would like somebody to write me some
Looking for: a dominant who is precise, literal, and does not communicate in hints
Five years, one dynamic of three, ended when she emigrated.
Most of my day goes on working out what people actually meant, which is tiring in a way that is difficult to describe to somebody who does not have to do it. A rule is the opposite of that. A rule is a person telling me exactly what they want, in words, and then I can simply do it and know that I have.
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New to all of this, and I have approached it like a work project
Looking for: someone experienced who will not find a list of questions ridiculous
None whatsoever. Eight months of reading and one very long document.
I have a document. It is four pages long, it has headings, and it contains every question about this that I could not answer by reading. I am aware that this is not how most people arrive here. It is, unfortunately, how I arrive everywhere.
Switches in Birmingham
People who go both ways and want a partner who can follow.
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I have stopped waiting for one person to do both
Looking for: two separate arrangements, and complete honesty about that
Fourteen years, half of it spent short of one half or the other.
Fourteen years of looking for a partner who genuinely wanted both directions has produced exactly one person who could, and she moved to Scotland. So I have changed the plan. I am looking for two arrangements with two different people, each of whom knows about the other from the beginning.
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I lead in exactly one thing and follow in everything else
Looking for: somebody willing to let an arrangement be uneven on purpose
Six years, one dynamic of four that ended amicably last autumn.
There is one specific area where I am completely in charge, take it very seriously, and am good at it. In every other part of a dynamic I want to be led. People hear that and assume I am describing something roughly balanced, which it is not, and then get confused when the ratio turns out to be nearer one to nine.
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Thirty years of this with one person, and now I must describe it
Looking for: patience with somebody who has only ever done this once
Thirty years, all of it inside one marriage that ended last year.
We never used a single one of the words. We had a way of being with each other that started in our twenties and grew over thirty years, and it went in both directions depending on the decade, and it was only after she left that I discovered other people do versions of the same thing and have a whole vocabulary for it.
Writing your own
Reading fifty of these is the easy half. The handbook covers the rest.
- Writing a profile that says something
- Photographs, and staying anonymous enough
- The safety basics, in one page
- What a first meeting is actually like
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Write yours in Birmingham
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