I want standards, and consequences when I miss them, and nothing else
Posted as standards_consequences
- Looking for
- a discipline based arrangement with no romance attached to it
- Experience
- Eleven years, two arrangements, both narrow and both good.
- Around
- Solihull, Birmingham
The part of this I want is small and specific. Somebody sets a standard, I am held to it, and there are consequences when I fall short. That is the whole of my interest. My two previous arrangements were built exactly like that and both ran for years without ever turning into a relationship.
Forty, Solihull, I work in finance, divorced and not looking to change that.
I am putting the limits early because they are the part people find difficult. No romance. No pet names. Nothing that would look like a relationship from the outside, and no expectation that either of us is emotionally available to the other beyond the arrangement itself. That is not coldness and it is not damage. It is what works, and I have tested the alternative twice.
Consistency is what I need most in the other person. A standard that moves depending on somebody's week is worse than no standard at all, and both of my previous arrangements ended the same way: the other person got busy, the checking stopped, and within two months the whole thing had quietly stopped being real.
Not looking for a partner. Not looking to discuss the divorce. And not looking for anybody who thinks this is a stage on the way to something warmer, because I have had that conversation in month five twice now and it was uncomfortable on both occasions.