The last one ended badly, and here is exactly what I check for now
Posted as what_i_check_for_now
- Looking for
- somebody who will not find a list of questions insulting
- Experience
- Thirteen years, four dynamics, one I am still recovering from.
- Around
- the Black Country, Birmingham
It was not violent and nothing happened that I had not agreed to. What happened was slower than that. The line moved, always by a small amount, always at a moment when objecting would have been awkward, until eighteen months in I was doing things I would have refused outright on the first day and could not point to when I had ever agreed to them.
Forty one, the Black Country, thirteen years in, two years out, and now cautiously back.
So I ask things now. Whether anybody can vouch for you. What your last dynamic was and how it ended, in your own words. Whether you have ever been told you pushed too hard, and what you did about it afterwards. A few people find that offensive and I have decided I do not mind losing them.
I am a switch and I lead about as often as I follow. Working out how to be led again has been the harder half of the last two years, and I am doing it slowly, and probably with somebody I would eventually trust with a key.
None of this is a warning about anybody in particular and I am not going to name a person or a thing. It is only an explanation of why my first three messages will read like an interview. Not looking for anyone who wants to fix me. Not looking for intensity. Not looking to move quickly on the strength of one good conversation, which is precisely how the last one began.