We decide who leads on a Sunday night and then we do not renegotiate
Posted as i_schedule_the_sides
- Looking for
- another switch who likes a plan more than a mood
- Experience
- Seven years, three dynamics, the good one ran on a calendar.
- Around
- Plano side, Dallas
The best arrangement I ever had worked because we decided the week in advance and then stopped discussing it. Sunday evening, ten minutes, who is leading which days. Then no renegotiation, no reading the mood at the door, no polite standoff where both of us are waiting to see what the other one wants.
Thirty two, north side, switch, seven years. I have tried the other way twice and both times we spent so much energy establishing who was what on any given evening that there was nothing left over for the evening itself.
I know some switches find this mechanical. I find it the opposite. Having it settled is exactly what lets me actually be in whichever role I am in, instead of monitoring.
What I want is another switch, roughly even, who can commit to a plan and hold it even on a day where they are not feeling it, because that is half the point. If Wednesday says I am following and Wednesday arrives and I would rather not, then following on Wednesday is the interesting part. I am on the north side, I can host on weekdays, and my job ends at a sane hour.
Not looking for a dominant who wants occasional access to my other side. Not looking for someone still working out whether they switch, and I say that with no judgement, only that I have been the experiment twice. Not looking for anything intense. I want something ordinary that runs for years.