Seven years of leading and I have never once been on the other side
Posted as only_ever_topped
- Looking for
- somebody experienced who would take me through it slowly
- Experience
- Seven years topping, none at all in the other direction.
- Around
- the mid-cities, Dallas
I have been calling myself a switch for about four months on the strength of wanting something I have never done. I am aware that is a slightly fraudulent use of the word and I could not find a better one.
Twenty seven, mid-cities, and seven years of leading, which started early and went well and has been the only way I have ever done any of this. Somewhere in the last year it became obvious that I want the other side, and the more I sat with it the more obvious it got, and now I am posting about it, which has taken three weeks of drafting.
The difficult part is that I know exactly how much can go wrong, because I have been the one holding it. I have spent seven years being careful with people and I find the idea of handing that over to somebody I do not know profoundly uncomfortable, which is presumably the point and does not make it easier.
So I would want to go very slowly with somebody who has years behind them. I would want to talk a great deal first. I would want to keep leading elsewhere, because I am not giving that up, and anybody who treats this as me finally admitting what I really am is going to get a short reply.
Not looking for someone who finds the situation charming. Not looking for anybody who wants to be the person who converted me. Not looking to be tested on how much I can take, which I have already been offered.