I lead a Bible study on Sunday and I want to kneel on Wednesday
Posted as sunday_morning_face
- Looking for
- someone who will not make a joke out of the contradiction
- Experience
- Two years, no dynamic yet, one conversation that got as far as coffee.
- Around
- the mid-cities, Dallas
Both halves of that sentence are true at the same time, and I gave up reconciling them for anybody else's benefit about a decade ago. What still catches me out is what happens to the second half the moment I say it to another person.
Forty six, out in the mid-cities, married once, divorced eleven years, grown children who live nearby. My whole social life comes out of my congregation. Those are good people and they have carried me through two very hard years and none of them will ever know about this, ever, and that is not a temporary arrangement I am working towards changing.
So I am careful in a way that is going to be inconvenient. I cannot be seen anywhere between here and the next county over. I will not be added to anything. I do not want photographs of me to exist in a phone that is not mine.
What I am after is a long, quiet, ongoing thing with one person. Structure, service, being answerable to somebody. I have wanted this since my twenties and I have done nothing about it for twenty five years, which tells you something about how slowly I move.
Two people have found the church part hilarious. One of them wanted to build a whole scenario out of it. If your first instinct on reading this is a scene idea, we are not going to get along, and I would rather establish that here than after an hour of pleasant conversation. I am kind, I am reliable, and I am extremely tired of carrying this by myself.