I ended three good years because it had quietly stopped mattering
Posted as it_was_fine
- Looking for
- attention rather than intensity, and somebody who actually notices
- Experience
- Eleven years, two dynamics, the last of them three years.
- Around
- the west end, Glasgow
I ended a three year dynamic in January because it was fine. Nobody did anything wrong. He was kind, he kept his word, and somewhere in the second year he stopped actually paying attention, and neither of us mentioned it for about fourteen months.
Thirty six, submissive, west end, eleven years in.
What I have worked out since is that the thing I need is not intensity, it is attention. Somebody who notices. Who remembers what I said in March and refers to it in August. Who can tell the difference between me being quiet because I am tired and me being quiet because something is wrong. That is the whole ask and it turns out to be rarer than any particular activity.
Practically: I live alone, I can host, I work ordinary hours and there are no complications in my life whatsoever.
Not looking for somebody who describes himself as attentive, because everybody does, and I will work it out from how you write over a month. Not looking for anything that settles into a routine so fixed that neither of us has to think. Not looking to be somebody's third priority after work and the gym, which is what I politely was for two years.