We are a couple who live an hour apart, which confuses people
Posted as an_hour_apart
- Looking for
- one person who can cope with a household spread across the county
- Experience
- Nine years together, six with a structure, one previous third.
- Around
- the Valley and the South Bay, Los Angeles
We have been together nine years and we have never lived in the same house. She is in the Valley, I am in the South Bay, and the hour between us is not a problem we are working on. It is the arrangement. We each tried living with somebody once and we were both bad at it.
Forty three and forty six. Six of the nine years have had a structure in them, with me leading. What that means for anybody joining us is unusual enough to say up front. There is no single household to be part of. There are two homes, two rhythms, and a person would end up with a relationship to each of us that is partly separate. The last arrangement we had, which ran two years and ended well, worked precisely because he liked that. One evening a week with her, one with me, and one a month with both.
We are looking for something similar. One person, an ongoing role, defined and reviewed, measured in years rather than months.
Everybody meets everybody in public first, more than once, and nothing at all is settled inside the first two months.
We are not looking for somebody who wants to be the thing that finally makes us move in together. We are also not looking for anyone who wants only one of us, which has happened, and which nobody enjoyed.