An independent field handbook · Non-explicit · Adults 18+

BDSM Dating

The practical handbook for meeting kinky partners, online and off

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Switches the Valley, Los Angeles

Two years in this city, twenty seven, and I know four people

Posted as i_know_four_people

Looking for
a friendship in this first, and something more only if it grows
Experience
Three years, most of it in a much smaller place.
Around
the Valley, Los Angeles

I moved here from a town of about nine thousand people, which means I arrived expecting a city this size to be easier and found the opposite. Back home there were eleven of us who were into any of this and we all knew each other. Here there are thousands and I have met none of them.

Twenty seven, the Valley, switch, three years in. I have been to two socials since I arrived. Both times I stood near the wall, said very little, and drove home at ten feeling worse. I am not shy exactly. I am bad at rooms where everybody already knows each other, and I have realized that walking into a large scene cold is not a skill I happen to have.

So the honest ask is for a person first. Somebody to get a coffee with who understands this part of me without a long preamble. If it becomes more than that, wonderful. If it stays a friendship, I will still count this post as the best thing I did all year.

I switch. At three years in I have done a little of both and enjoyed both, and I am aware that is not the same as knowing.

What I do not want is to be somebody's introduction project, taken to things, shown around and dropped by August. That has already happened once and I would rather stay home than repeat it.

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