We want somebody to teach my husband how to lead me properly
Posted as teach_him_to_lead
- Looking for
- an experienced dominant willing to mentor rather than take over
- Experience
- Fifteen years together, eighteen months of trying this on our own.
- Around
- Villeurbanne, Lyon
I asked him to take charge eighteen months ago and he has been trying ever since, gamely and badly, and we have both reached the point of admitting that goodwill is not a substitute for knowing what you are doing. He said, last month, that he would like to be taught. I nearly cried with relief.
Forty and forty two, Villeurbanne, married fifteen years. The difficulty is not willingness. It is that he cannot tell the difference between being firm and being unkind, so he defaults to asking me what I would like, which is the one thing that undoes the entire point of it.
So we are looking for an experienced dominant, of any gender, willing to mentor him. Conversation, advice, watching if that is something you do, and honest criticism. What we are not looking for is somebody to take over and run me directly, and we understand that some people would find the boundary between those two impossible to hold, which is exactly why we are stating it in the third paragraph rather than the last.
He is a good man who is out of his depth and knows it, which I think is the best possible starting condition. I want structure, rules and correction, and I want it from him rather than from anybody else.
Not looking for a third in any sense. Not looking for somebody who would use the arrangement to build a dynamic with me. Not looking for anyone who thinks a man who needs teaching is not worth the time, which two people have implied and which I found genuinely upsetting.