I am writing in English, but I do not want to submit in it
Posted as my_own_words
- Looking for
- someone I can be spoken to properly by, in my own language
- Experience
- Nine years, three dynamics, two of them in the wrong language.
- Around
- the north of the city, Madrid
I speak four languages competently and I have discovered, over nine years, that I can only actually submit in one of them. That sounds precious written down. In practice it is the single most useful thing I know about myself and it took two failed dynamics to learn.
Forty four, Madrid for the last twelve years, submissive. My first language is Catalan, I live half my day in Spanish and I work almost entirely in English, and I am perfectly comfortable in all three. But when somebody gives me an instruction in English, part of me stays at a desk. It is competent and it is not obedience. I have tried to push through it. It does not move.
So I am posting on an English board, in English, to say that I am looking for someone who can do the actual thing in Catalan or, at a stretch, in Spanish. This is a narrower search than it sounds, because it excludes a good number of the people here, and I would rather be narrow than spend another year being politely disappointed.
What I want is domestic and long. Standing rules, real correction, a person who knows what my week looks like. Very little pain, none of it public, nothing that gets recorded.
I am direct in writing and much quieter in person. I live alone, I can host, I am free after nine most nights. I will not be arguing about whether language matters this much. It does for me. That is the only claim I am making.