Thirty eight, submissive, and my head is a room with no shelves
Posted as external_brain
- Looking for
- a dominant who finds structure satisfying rather than exhausting
- Experience
- Five years, three dynamics, all ended for the same reason.
- Around
- Stockport, Manchester
Three dynamics have ended because I forgot things. Not big things. A check in on a Wednesday, a task I genuinely meant to do, a message I read while walking and answered in my head instead of on the phone. Every one of those people eventually decided I did not care, and I understand why, and they were all wrong.
I have ADHD, diagnosed at thirty four, which explained a great deal and fixed nothing on its own. Thirty eight, submissive, Stockport, five years in.
What actually works for me, and I know this because I have tested it in the rest of my life: external structure that does not depend on me remembering it. Fixed times rather than a vague later. Written instructions rather than spoken ones. A dominant who says the thing again without treating it as a personal insult that they had to.
In exchange you get somebody who is genuinely delighted by structure, who will throw himself at a task with more enthusiasm than it deserves, and who does not sulk about correction. I have had a lot of practice at being corrected.
I am upfront about this now because pretending to be tidier than I am has cost me three good things. Not looking for anyone who wants to fix me, or who has read one article about it. Not looking for a dynamic built entirely on me being punished for the exact thing I have just told you I struggle with, which is a trap I have walked into twice.