Switch, and much better at one side than the other, which is the problem
Posted as both_and_badly
- Looking for
- a switch who is honest about which half they are worse at
- Experience
- Five years, two dynamics, both of them lopsided in the same direction.
- Around
- the south west, Moscow
I am good at submitting and I am mediocre at leading, and every time I have said this out loud somebody has told me that just means I am really a submissive. It does not. I want both. I am simply better practised at one of them, in the way that a person can be right handed and still want to use the other one.
Thirty four, the south west, five years in. Two dynamics. In both of them I did the leading about four times in total, badly, and then we quietly stopped mentioning it because it was easier for everybody.
What I want this time is a switch who will actually take turns and who will be honest about their own weaker half, so that we are both occasionally bad at something in front of each other. That seems to me the entire point and I have never yet managed it.
Concretely: I would like an arrangement where the direction is decided in advance, for a fixed stretch, rather than negotiated by mood on the night. A month one way and a month the other. Something with enough time in each direction that the person doing the leading gets past being self conscious about it.
I am a graphic designer, I have terrible sleep, I am cheerful about most things. Not looking for somebody who wants to explain my orientation to me. Not looking for a person who says switch and means top with occasional exceptions. Not looking for a first meeting anywhere except a public one.