Married sixteen years, and not one person in our life knows about this
Posted as friends_do_not_know
- Looking for
- two or three people we could eventually be honest with
- Experience
- Sixteen years together, twelve with this at the centre of the marriage.
- Around
- the centre, Moscow
Twelve years of a structure in our marriage that nobody has ever seen. Not our closest friends, not our siblings, not the people we have holidayed with every summer for a decade. There is a version of us that exists at home and a version that goes out to dinner and the second one has never once mentioned the first.
We are forty four and forty six, in the centre, both in professions where this would be a genuine problem rather than gossip. He leads, she does not, and it has been the best thing in the marriage since the year we worked it out.
We are not unhappy and we are not asking to be talked into being open about it. Discretion is a decision we made carefully and would make again. What we have realised, in the last year or so, is that a decision can be right and still cost something, and what it has cost us is that there is nobody at all we can say a true sentence to.
So this is not really a personals post. What we want is two or three people, or another couple, who live in the same way and would like company that does not require editing. Conversation. Dinner at somebody's flat. The ordinary business of being known.
We are careful about first meetings and we will be slow. Not looking for anything physical with anybody, at all, and that is not an opening position. Not looking for people who are working towards being open, since we are not and it would grate on both sides. Not looking for anybody who would be careless about it.