Divorced at fifty four, admitting something I have known since I was twenty
Posted as paper_anniversary
- Looking for
- patience, and someone who will not laugh at how late I am to this
- Experience
- None in practice. Twenty five years of knowing and doing nothing.
- Around
- Queens, New York
I was married for twenty six years to a good man who never knew this about me, because I never told him, because I was afraid of exactly the conversation I am now having with strangers on the internet.
We separated last year for reasons that had nothing to do with any of this. I am fifty four, I live in Queens near my sister, and I have spent eight months reading about something I have wanted since before I could name it.
So my experience is easy to describe: none. I have never knelt for anyone. I have never negotiated anything. I know the vocabulary from books and I am aware that knowing the vocabulary is not the same as knowing anything.
What I am asking for is patience and a fair amount of teaching. I would like a dominant who is content to go slowly, who will explain what he is doing and why, and who is not going to be disappointed that I do not arrive fully formed. I would also like, at some stage, to be told that I have done something correctly, which I am aware is an odd thing to put in an advertisement, and I am putting it in anyway.
I am not fragile. I raised two children and ran a household through two recessions. I am just new, and I would rather say so plainly than perform a confidence I do not have yet. What I do not want: anyone who finds my age novel and says so. Anyone in a hurry. Anyone who wants photographs before a conversation. And anyone who thinks a woman my age should be grateful for the attention. I am not grateful. I am interested, which is a different thing entirely.