BDSM personals in New York
New York carries the largest pool of kinky people of anywhere on this board, which changes the problem rather than solving it. Nobody here is short of options, so posts that read as generic get skipped in seconds and the ones that get answered are usually the specific, slightly awkward ones. Distance inside the city is real: a Brooklyn post and a Bronx post are not competing for the same readers.
Posts come from Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, the Bronx and Jersey side. People lead with where they are for a reason.
Dominants in New York
People looking to lead, and saying what that means to them.
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Nurse, dominant, functionally nocturnal, mildly feral by Friday
Looking for: someone who can hold structure without hourly supervision
Ten years, two long dynamics, both fitted around a rota.
I do three twelves a week and I am dead to the world for most of the day after the last one. My friends have given up inviting me to anything before four in the afternoon. My plants are on a timer. I am doing fine.
Submissives in New York
People looking to submit, on terms they set out first.
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Line cook, submissive, my Tuesday is your Saturday
Looking for: someone whose schedule is as strange as mine
Three years, two short dynamics, both ended over scheduling.
I get out of work at one in the morning most nights and I am wide awake until four. That single fact has ended more of these than anything about kink ever has, so I am putting it first this time instead of burying it in paragraph three.
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Submissive man, forty four, two questions and a short post
Looking for: a dominant woman for something long, slow and real
Twelve years, two long dynamics, currently unattached.
Two questions I will ask early, so you may as well know them now. What does a normal week look like when a dynamic of yours is working well. And what has gone wrong for you before, and what did you change afterwards. The answers tell me more in five minutes than a month of good intentions will.
Switches in New York
People who go both ways and want a partner who can follow.
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New to the country, new to the city, would like company at things
Looking for: someone to go to socials with while I work out how this city works
Seven years at home, and none at all here.
I moved here fourteen months ago from a city on the other side of the Atlantic where I knew everybody in this world and had done for years. Here I know two people, both from work, neither of whom knows any of this about me.
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No idea which one I will be in August, and that is fine
Looking for: someone flexible enough to find that interesting rather than annoying
Eleven years, and it has never once been consistent.
There is a version of me that is very much in charge and a version that very much is not, and in eleven years I have never worked out what moves me between them. It is not stress. I have checked. It is not the season, it is not who I am with, it is not anything I can put on a calendar for you.
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I work nights for the city and I am still learning what I want
Looking for: someone patient enough to work it out alongside me
Three years, one dynamic, ended without anyone doing anything wrong.
Three years in and I still do not have a clean answer to what I am. I lean toward following, but the two experiences that have stayed with me most were both times I was the one deciding, and I have not resolved that and possibly never will.
Couples in New York
Partners searching together, with both of them in the post.
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We are slow, we ask questions, and we do not apologise for it
Looking for: a submissive who finds thorough vetting reassuring rather than insulting
Twelve years together, eight in this, one bad experience that changed everything.
Eight years ago we did this the fast way and somebody got hurt. Not physically. We hurried a person into an arrangement they had agreed to and did not want, and we failed to notice for two months because we were not looking properly. It is the thing we are least proud of, and it is why the rest of this post reads the way it does.
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Two switches, married, hoping there is another pair of us out there
Looking for: another couple who both switch, which we are told is rare
Nine years together, both of us switching throughout.
Both of us switch. Between us there are four possible configurations and we have used all of them, sometimes in the same week, which our friends find exhausting even to hear about.
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Two dominant men, one sofa, and a very specific vacancy
Looking for: a service submissive who wants two people to answer to
Together six years, both of us experienced separately before that.
We are both dominant. That is not a problem between us, and working out how took about a year, which is why we are so specific about what we are looking for now.
Writing your own
Reading fifty of these is the easy half. The handbook covers the rest.
- Writing a profile that says something
- Photographs, and staying anonymous enough
- The safety basics, in one page
- What a first meeting is actually like
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Write yours in New York
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