I know what I want and I have no words for it in any language
Posted as my_third_language
- Looking for
- a dominant with patience for somebody translating themselves
- Experience
- Two years of reading, one short dynamic that ended over a misunderstanding.
- Around
- North York, Toronto
English is my third language and this is a subject I have no vocabulary for in any of them. Not in English, where I know the words and they sit at a strange distance from me. Not in the language I speak at home, where they either do not exist or arrive with so much shame attached that I cannot get them out of my mouth.
Twenty nine, North York, submissive, if that word is even the right one. Two years of reading and one very short thing last year that ended because I could not explain, in the moment, why something was wrong. I said fine, because fine was the word I could reach.
So what I need is patience with a gap. There is a version of me writing this, careful and organised, and a version of me in a room who takes eight seconds to answer a direct question. Both of them are me. The slow one is not confused. She is translating.
What I want is structure, and to be told things clearly, more than once when it is needed, with the understanding that I will ask what a word means and will not be laughed at. I would also like somebody who can hear an accent without immediately deciding what kind of person it makes me.
Not looking for anybody who finds any of this exotic. That has happened three times and I could feel it in the first message every time. Not looking for anybody who wants to move faster than I can speak.