lurked here a long time before writing this. it is not a practical question and i apologise for that in advance.
i am 38. i have been reading about this for about four years now, quietly, and never once done anything about it. no partners who knew, no groups, nothing. and the thing that stops me every time i get close to making a profile is that i cannot tell whether i actually want any of this or whether i just find it very interesting to read about.
those feel like they should be easy to tell apart and they are not, at least not from inside my own head at eleven at night. i can imagine the thing quite vividly. i cannot tell whether the vividness is desire or just a well-fed imagination.
and there is a version of this where i put myself in front of an actual person, discover it was only ever curiosity, and have wasted their evening and embarrassed myself.
is there any way to know before you know? or is that just a question people ask so they can put off finding out.
