first time i have tried to do the vetting thing properly and it went straight into a wall.
been talking to a man for about two weeks, going well, we had got as far as talking about meeting. so i said, more or less, that before meeting anyone i like to talk to one or two people who know them from the scene, and asked whether that was possible.
he was offended. not aggressive, but the temperature dropped instantly. he said he had been doing this for fifteen years and had never been asked to provide references like a job applicant, that trust has to start somewhere, and that if i needed a background check before coffee then we probably were not compatible. then he unmatched, about an hour later.
so now i do not know whether i handled it badly or found something out cheaply.
for people who ask: how do you word it? and how often does anyone actually produce a name? i have read the advice about references for a year and i have never once seen anybody describe how the conversation actually goes.
