I led for twenty one years and I am terrible at starting
Posted as competent_in_a_marriage
- Looking for
- an experienced submissive who can help me name what I do
- Experience
- Twenty one years, all of it inside one marriage.
- Around
- the south, Amsterdam
I led inside a marriage for twenty one years and I was good at it. Then it ended, and I discovered that leading somebody who already loves you is a completely different skill from beginning with a stranger, and I have been embarrassingly bad at the second one.
Fifty eight, dominant woman, in the south, out of the marriage two years and back on a board for the first time since the nineties. What I had was built out of a thousand small things that neither of us ever designed. What I have to do now is negotiate all of it out loud, in advance, with a person who does not know me, and I keep finding I have no vocabulary for things I have done every week for two decades.
So I am asking for a particular kind of patience, from a submissive experienced enough to help me articulate what I am already doing. Somebody who will say, that thing you have just described has a name, or who asks a question I would not have thought to ask myself.
I am not fragile about this and I am not new. I know precisely what I want and I am clumsy at describing it, which is a different problem entirely.
Not looking for anybody expecting a polished, confident performance in month one. Not looking for a person who needs me to be certain in writing. Not looking to hear that I should have started sooner, since I was busy being married. And not looking for anybody who has been waiting for an older dominant woman to appear and would take any one that did, because I can hear that in a first message now and it has stopped being flattering.