Three people have called me too soft for this and they are wrong
Posted as told_too_soft
- Looking for
- somebody who wants authority without any cruelty in it
- Experience
- Ten years, three dynamics, none of them loud.
- Around
- the east, Amsterdam
Three people have now told me I am too soft to be a dominant. Two of them meant it as criticism. I have thought about it honestly and concluded that they are describing something real and are wrong about what it means.
Forty one, dominant man, in the east, ten years in. I do not raise my voice. I am not cold, I do not do disdain, and humiliation of any kind does nothing for me. What I do is expect things, notice whether they happened, and say so. That turns out to be plenty.
The submissives I have been happiest with wanted authority without cruelty, and every one of them said they had struggled to find it, because a great deal of what gets written on boards like this one is written in a register of contempt that a lot of people do not actually want.
So: one person, ongoing, with a real structure. Daily check ins, standards, and consequences that are about disappointment and repair rather than punishment for its own sake.
Not looking for anyone who wants to be degraded, and there is no judgement in that, it is simply not in me. Not looking for a person who will keep testing whether I can be made angry. Not looking to be a stepping stone on the way to somebody harder, which has happened once and which I could feel coming for about a month before it did.