Berlin, thirty eight, switch, careful and slow by choice
Posted as slow_by_choice
- Looking for
- somebody who takes months rather than weeks to build something
- Experience
- Ten years, three connections, all of them slow to start.
- Around
- the edge of Friedrichshain, Berlin
Everything good that has happened to me in this took at least three months to begin, and everything that started fast ended badly. I have enough of a sample now to treat it as a rule.
Thirty eight, Berlin, out at the quiet end of it rather than in the middle. I switch and I mean it: I have had a year of leading somebody and a year of being led by the same person, in that order, which was unusual and instructive.
What slow looks like for me. Weeks of messages that are actually about something. A first meeting with no expectation attached. A second meeting that is also just a meeting. Only then any conversation about what we might do. I know this frustrates people and I know I lose matches over it.
The compensation is that I am reliable once something exists. I do not disappear, I do not cancel casually, and I say when something is not working rather than letting it fade. I like rope, sensory work, obedience over long periods, and being taken apart very gradually. I dislike shouting, degradation, and anything that treats aftercare as optional.
Practically: I work in a laboratory with fixed hours, I have a small flat, and I can cross the city at weekends without it being an event. The middle of town is close enough for anything happening there, though I am not really a person who goes to things. If you have read this far and thought it sounded slow, then I have written it correctly.