Widowed at fifty eight, and she knew, and being tolerated is not enough
Posted as thirtyone_years_quiet
- Looking for
- somebody who wants this to be real rather than tolerated
- Experience
- Thirty years of knowing. Almost none of doing.
- Around
- Oak Cliff, Dallas
I told my wife about this in our third year of marriage. She listened, she was not upset, and she said she did not have it in her but that she did not mind knowing. We were married for twenty eight more years on those terms and they were good years.
What I have realised in the two years since she died is that being tolerated and being wanted are not the same thing, and that I have never once had the second one.
Fifty eight, Oak Cliff, in a house I have been in since the nineties. My experience is almost entirely theoretical, which is an odd thing to say about thirty years. I know what I want with complete clarity and I have essentially never done any of it.
What I want is a woman who leads because she enjoys leading, not because I asked nicely and she agreed to try. Structure, service, being held to something, being told when I have got it wrong. I would like a title to use and I would like to be corrected for forgetting it.
I am aware I am starting late and I am aware that thirty years of reading is not experience. I am also not fragile and I am not grieving in a way that would land on somebody else. I did that. It took a while. Not looking for a woman who is kindly willing to give it a go. I have had thirty years of that and it was nobody's fault and I would like something different now.