Everything I know about leading came from one woman and I say so
Posted as taught_by_one_person
- Looking for
- a submissive who does not mind that my style is borrowed
- Experience
- Five years, all of it learned from a single mentor.
- Around
- Altona, Hamburg
I did not work this out for myself. From twenty four to twenty eight I was taught, deliberately and quite strictly, by a woman who had been doing it for two decades and who thought most people learn to lead by guessing badly. She was right and she was not gentle about the process.
Twenty nine, dominant, Altona, five years. She moved away last year and I am on my own with it for the first time, which is why I am on a board rather than being introduced to somebody, which is how everything has happened until now.
What she gave me: a way of setting expectations specific enough to be checkable. The habit of writing things down. The rule that you never correct anybody while you are annoyed. And a horror of the kind of dominance that is mostly announcing itself.
What I am still bad at is noticing when somebody is agreeing to something they do not actually want. I got it wrong once, caught it late, and it took months before either of us was comfortable again. So I ask a great many questions now and some people find it excessive.
I want something long. Service and structure, ordinary weeks, and a submissive who will tell me plainly when I have misjudged. Not looking for anyone who needs me to have twenty years behind me. Not looking for someone who says yes to everything, for the reason above. Not looking for anything starting this month, because I am moving flat and I would be poor company in August.