Eight years since the divorce and I have finally written something
Posted as the_long_thaw
- Looking for
- a long domestic arrangement with somebody who is not in a hurry
- Experience
- Twenty years in this, and eight of them entirely dormant.
- Around
- Eimsbüttel, Hamburg
The divorce came through in a spring I no longer count from, and I have not looked for anything since. Not out of grief. Out of a kind of northern stubbornness where you decide privately that the chapter is closed and then never go back and check the decision.
Fifty two, submissive, marine insurance, Eimsbüttel, a flat I have lived in for fourteen years and will probably die in. Twenty years of this before the marriage ended and then eight years of nothing at all, which is a long time to be out of practice at anything.
What I want is domestic and unglamorous. A dynamic that lives inside an ordinary week. Standing duties, a set evening, correction that is spoken rather than applied, and somebody who expects me to be where I said I would be. I am extremely good at being where I said I would be.
I should be honest that I am slow. Not cautious in a way that hides something, just genuinely slow to warm to people. I have been told twice that I read as cold for the first month and warm afterwards. Both of them were right and only one stayed long enough to find out.
Not looking for anything that requires me to be interesting on demand. Not looking for a weekend. Not looking for anybody who wants to move quickly in order to prove something, because the people I have watched do that were usually proving it to themselves.