I lead now because being on the other side hurts the wrong way
Posted as topping_because_pain
- Looking for
- somebody who wants what I can still do, not what I used to
- Experience
- Sixteen years, mostly on the other end, four years leading since.
- Around
- Sefton, Liverpool
For twelve years I was on the receiving end of all of this and I loved it. Then a back injury turned into a chronic pain condition, and there is now a very clear line between the sort of discomfort I used to seek out and the sort that puts me in bed for three days, and my body does not distinguish nearly as neatly as I would like.
Forty two, Sefton, sixteen years in, and I have spent the last four years learning to lead instead.
It has been a strange transition. I know exactly what it is like from below, which makes me a better dominant than I expected and an anxious one at first. I still describe myself as a switch because I have not given up on the other half of it entirely, but realistically what I can offer is leading, and I would rather be honest about that than have somebody hopeful.
What I want is one person, ongoing, who wants structure and attention rather than anything strenuous. I plan around energy the way other people plan around a diary.
Not looking for anybody who wants me to push through it, which I will not. Not looking for someone who will treat a cancellation as a slight. Not looking for advice about my condition, which I have had from everybody including a man in a queue.