Widowed two years, and what I miss is being told what to do
Posted as small_amount_structure
- Looking for
- companionship with some structure in it, and no assumptions about the rest
- Experience
- Thirty years, both sides, all of it inside one marriage.
- Around
- Croix-Rousse, Lyon
My husband died two years ago and we had thirty years in which this was simply part of how we lived. It was never dramatic and it was never discussed with anybody. A set of small rules, a way of speaking to each other, and a settled arrangement about who decided what. I did not realise how much of my day it held up until it was gone.
Fifty nine, up the hill. We both switched, which we worked out in our thirties and which took us four years to get right. So my experience is thirty years long and exactly one person wide.
What I am looking for is company first. Somebody to eat with, walk with, and speak plainly to. And then, if it suited us both, a small amount of structure. Not a dynamic in the way people here describe one. A few rules. Somebody who expects certain things of me and says so out loud.
I want to be honest that I do not know whether I want anything physical. It is not a no. I am genuinely unsure, and at fifty nine I have stopped feeling obliged to decide in advance in order to be a reasonable proposition.
Not looking for anyone who wants to replace a marriage, theirs or mine. Not looking to be told I am brave, which people say and which I find very hard to receive. Not looking for a person who would be disappointed if this stayed at friendship with rules, because that might well be exactly what it turns out to be.