Two years caring for my father, and I am only now surfacing
Posted as after_second_year
- Looking for
- somebody who does not need me to be entirely recovered first
- Experience
- Fifteen years, both sides, then two years of nothing at all.
- Around
- Villeurbanne, Lyon
My father died in February after two years in which I was, essentially, a full time carer with a job attached. I did none of this in that time. I barely did anything in that time. And I have discovered that coming back is harder than stopping was.
Forty three, switch, Villeurbanne, fifteen years in before all that. What I have noticed since is that I am out of practice at ordinary social things in a way that surprises me. I can look after somebody for two years and I cannot currently hold a conversation with a stranger for an hour without needing to lie down afterwards.
So I am posting early rather than waiting to become a better version of myself, because I waited once before and it turned into two years. What I want is somebody willing to start with something small and unstructured. A walk. A long conversation. No expectation that I arrive repaired.
Eventually I want what I had. Something long, both directions, with rules and structure and a great deal of ordinary company. I lean toward following at the moment, which I suspect is about wanting somebody else to decide things for a while, and I am watching that rather than pretending it is not true.
Not looking for anybody who wants to look after me, which I would fall into and which would be bad for both of us. Not looking to discuss the last two years in any detail. Not looking for anything that needs me to be reliable every single week just yet.