Twenty years in a village and I had forgotten the city was small too
Posted as back_from_the_village
- Looking for
- a dominant with the patience for somebody starting again at forty nine
- Experience
- Twelve years long ago, then twenty years of nothing whatsoever.
- Around
- Croix-Rousse, Lyon
I moved to a village at twenty nine for a man and a house, and I came back last year at forty eight without either. In between there were twenty years in which I did none of this, thought about it constantly, and told nobody at all.
Forty nine, submissive, up the hill, in a flat that costs more than the house did. Twelve years in this before I left, which is real experience and which is also two decades out of date. I have had to look up half the vocabulary and I have got several things wrong out loud already.
The thing that has surprised me is that I expected the city to feel anonymous after the village and it does not. Four months on this board and I have already worked out that the same names come round, that people know each other's histories, and that a word from somebody trusted counts for a great deal here. That is a village. It is just a slightly larger one.
What I want is a long domestic arrangement. Rules, service, a set evening, correction that is spoken. I am not fragile. I raised children and ran a business through some bad years and I am not looking to be rescued from anything. I would simply like to stop being alone with it.
Not looking for anyone who finds a woman of my age novel and says so. Not looking for a person in a hurry. Not looking to be asked what I did for twenty years, at least not in the first month, because the honest answer is that I waited.