I look after my father, and I get two free weekends a year
Posted as twice_a_year_south
- Looking for
- a dominant who can run something almost entirely in writing
- Experience
- Eleven years, nine of them conducted almost entirely in writing.
- Around
- the north of the city, Madrid
I have lived in the same four rooms in the north of this city for nineteen years and I am inside them almost all of the time. I look after my father, which is not a temporary arrangement, and it means I am here. Being in Madrid helps me not at all when I cannot be out of the flat for more than two hours together.
Forty five, submissive, eleven years in this, nine of which have happened entirely through writing. I have been in two dynamics run almost wholly at arm's length, one of four years, and I am not going to describe them as a compromise, because the four year one was the most demanding and most rewarding thing I have done.
What works at this distance, in my experience: written instruction, a daily report, defined tasks that can be verified, rules about how I run my own day. A voice call at a fixed hour. Photographs of the work rather than of me.
What does not work: anybody who says they are fine with this and then treats every week without a meeting as a week that did not count. My sister takes over twice a year and I get a few days on the other side of the city, and I plan those months in advance. That is the honest total. If somebody needs more, I understand, and I would rather they say so now.
I am not lonely in the way the arithmetic suggests. I have a street where I know everybody, a job I do from a laptop, and a father who is decent company on his better days. What I do not have, and have not had for two years, is anybody who expects anything of me.