Looking to be someone's second partner, and meaning that properly
Posted as second_not_secondary
- Looking for
- a person with an established partner and room for one more
- Experience
- Thirteen years, polyamorous for nine of them, two long relationships.
- Around
- the northern quarter, Manchester
I am looking to be somebody's second partner. Not a secret, not a stopgap, and not the person who gets Tuesdays because nobody else wants them. A second relationship in a household where that is already normal, agreed by everybody, and not treated as a lesser version of the real one.
Forty nine, northern quarter, switch, thirteen years in this and nine of them polyamorous.
I have done it twice. The first time badly, because I was the experiment and nobody had thought it through. The second time for six years, extremely well, with a couple who had been doing it for a decade before I arrived and had the conversations sorted out long before I was in the room. That ended when they moved and I still see them.
What I have learned to ask for is boring and non negotiable. That the existing partner and I meet early and honestly. That nothing about me is a surprise to anybody. That there are actual agreements about time rather than good intentions. And that if the other partner is uncomfortable, I hear it from them rather than through a translator. Either direction works for me and I have run both.
Not looking for a couple who have decided to open things up last month, which is rarely about me and usually about them. Not looking to be hidden from anybody. Not looking for somebody whose partner has agreed in the way people agree to things they hope will not happen.