I want this in the ordinary hours, not in an evening set aside
Posted as small_daily_rules
- Looking for
- a dynamic made of small daily things rather than sessions
- Experience
- Seven years, three dynamics, the good one was almost entirely daily.
- Around
- the city centre, Manchester
The best two years I have had of this involved almost nothing that anybody would recognise as a scene. It was a list of small things I did every day, a way I was expected to speak to her, a fifteen minute call at ten at night, and a standard about how I kept my flat. We saw each other twice a month and it was the most consuming thing I have ever been part of.
Forty four, city centre, switch, seven years in. I have led and been led and I genuinely do not mind which, but the shape has to be that shape or I lose interest inside a month.
What does not work for me is the set piece. An evening in the diary, a list of activities, everything happening in a three hour window and then nothing until the next one. I have tried it repeatedly because it is what most people are offering, and every time I have come away feeling like I attended something rather than belonged to something.
So: small rules, daily contact, and long stretches of ordinary life with the thing running underneath it.
Not looking for anything that lives entirely in a bedroom. Not looking for someone who wants to plan elaborate evenings, because I will be a disappointment to you. Not looking for a person who needs me to pick a side, since the side is the least interesting part of this for me.