Fifty one, second marriage over, and this time I am not hiding it
Posted as fifty_and_again
- Looking for
- a partner who already knows what they are and does not need convincing
- Experience
- Twenty two years of this, conducted almost entirely in secret.
- Around
- the near suburbs, Moscow
Two marriages. In the first I said nothing for eleven years. In the second I said something, once, badly, about four years in, and watched it land like a plate breaking, and then said nothing for another six. Both of those men were decent. I do not think either of them ever really knew who they were living with, and that was my doing, not theirs.
Fifty one, switch, the near suburbs, on my own for a year and a half and enjoying it far more than I expected. I work in dentistry. My children are grown and living their own lives elsewhere.
I am not doing the hiding again. That is the whole reason I am writing here rather than meeting somebody in an ordinary way and hoping it comes up naturally in year three. Anybody I am with now knows from the start, or there is nothing to know.
What I want: one person, ongoing, both directions, someone already fluent in this so that I never again have to teach a partner what I am while simultaneously apologising for it. I lead slightly more than I follow, at a guess.
Discreet in public, obviously. My professional life and my family do not need this and will not get it. That is privacy rather than shame, and after twenty two years I can tell the difference. Not looking for anybody who is where my husbands were. Not looking for a project. Not looking for someone under forty, which is a preference rather than a principle but it is a strong one.