I will take three months to decide and I will not apologise for it
Posted as slow_is_the_point
- Looking for
- one person for something measured in years, starting very slowly
- Experience
- Twenty one years, three dynamics, the longest of them nine.
- Around
- the south west, Moscow
Twice now somebody has written to me, been charming for a fortnight, and then become irritated that we had not yet arrived anywhere. Both times they described me as cautious, which I am, and as uninterested, which I was not. I would rather set the expectation in the advertisement.
Fifty, dominant man, the south west, twenty one years in. Three dynamics: nine years, five years, two years, in that order, all of them ended without anybody behaving badly. I am still on speaking terms with two of the three, which I mention because I think it is the only reference a person can honestly offer here.
My pace is this. Several weeks of writing. Then meeting in public, more than once, with nothing else attached. Then a long conversation about what each of us actually wants, in detail, written down, because I have found that speaking it is not the same as agreeing it. Only then anything else. Three months is normal for me. It has been three months every time and every time it has been the right decision.
What I want is one person, ongoing, with real structure in it and no ceremony around it. Service, rules, regular time, and an arrangement we revisit properly rather than letting it drift.
I am undramatic to the point of dullness in daily life and I am told that is reassuring. Not looking for anybody in a crisis. Not looking for someone who wants a title before they want a routine. Not looking for a person who will find my pace charming for six weeks and unbearable in the seventh.