Please do not send me a checklist as an introduction
Posted as stop_by_list
- Looking for
- an actual person, described in sentences, before anything is agreed
- Experience
- Fifteen years, four dynamics, several hundred conversations.
- Around
- the centre, Moscow
Somebody sent me a document last month. Forty items, each rated. No greeting, no name, nothing about her life. I read the whole thing and at the end of it I knew a great deal about her preferences and nothing whatsoever about whether I would enjoy an hour in her company.
Thirty six, dominant man, the centre, fifteen years in. I am not against lists. We will make one eventually and I will be tediously thorough about it, because that is how you avoid hurting somebody by accident. But it is the fourth conversation, not the first, and treating it as the first is how people end up agreeing to things with a stranger they have not yet decided to trust.
What I would rather have in a first message: what your week looks like. What you are like when you are tired. What you have tried and what you thought of it afterwards, which is far more informative than what you would like to try. One thing that has gone wrong for you in this and what you make of it now.
What I want is a long dynamic with somebody who is thoughtful and a bit stubborn. I lead through structure and expectation rather than through intensity, and I am at my best with people who argue with me about everything except the things we have agreed. Not looking for anybody who wants to be handed a set of rules in week one. Not looking for a person who cannot describe herself except by category. Not looking to be assessed by document, which I appreciate is exactly what you are doing right now.