My last dynamic ended when she moved away, and I took a year off
Posted as the_one_i_lost
- Looking for
- something long, with somebody who is not in a hurry either
- Experience
- Seventeen years, two dynamics, the second of them eight years long.
- Around
- the centre, Moscow
Eight years, and then a job in another country that would have been mad to turn down, and a very calm conversation in a kitchen about what we were going to do, and then the answer, which was nothing. It ended well, if that word means anything. We still write at the new year.
Forty four, dominant, the centre, seventeen years in. I did not look for anybody for a year. That was not grief exactly, more that I had forgotten how to want the beginning of things, and I could not think of a single question I wanted to ask a stranger. That has passed and here I am.
What eight years taught me is that the good part is not the first six months. It is the fourth year, when the structure has stopped being interesting to describe and has become simply how the week works. I am not looking for the interesting part. I am looking for somebody who wants to get to the dull part with me and stay there.
Practically: one submissive woman, an ongoing arrangement with real authority in it, regular time, and rules that live in ordinary days. I am undramatic and I am consistent and those are the only two things I would claim about myself.
I am aware this post is about somebody who is not here. That is deliberate, since I would rather you knew where I have come from. Not looking for someone who wants to be compared to her, because I will not. Not looking for anything short. Not looking to be talked out of taking my time.