Fifty three, divorced two years, and I did not invent this last month
Posted as the_second_half
- Looking for
- a dominant near my own age who is not surprised that I exist
- Experience
- Thirty years of knowing. Eighteen months of actually doing anything.
- Around
- the near suburbs, Moscow
The thing I keep having to correct is the assumption that a woman my age arriving here has just discovered something. I have known what I am since my twenties. What is new is that I am no longer married to a man I never told, and so for the first time the knowing and the doing are allowed to be in the same life.
Fifty three, the near suburbs, a flat I own, a grown son who lives in another city, and a job in accounts that I have held for nineteen years and will hold until I stop. Eighteen months of actually doing anything about this: some careful conversations, two meetings that went nowhere, one arrangement of four months that ended because he wanted far more of my week than I had.
I want structure and I want to be led by somebody who has been doing this long enough to be unimpressed by it. Rules, expectations, a regular evening, and correction that is spoken rather than dramatic. I am not fragile and I do not need handling.
I would prefer somebody within ten years of me in either direction. That is not a rule I will die for, but the two men in their late twenties who wrote to me last winter were both, in different words, interested in my age as a novelty, and I have no appetite for being anybody's discovery.
Not looking to be rushed. Not looking for anything at weekends before noon. Not looking for a man who has never once been corrected himself.