We are slow, we ask questions, and we do not apologise for it
Posted as dinner_first_always
- Looking for
- a submissive who finds thorough vetting reassuring rather than insulting
- Experience
- Twelve years together, eight in this, one bad experience that changed everything.
- Around
- Jersey side, New York
Eight years ago we did this the fast way and somebody got hurt. Not physically. We hurried a person into an arrangement they had agreed to and did not want, and we failed to notice for two months because we were not looking properly. It is the thing we are least proud of, and it is why the rest of this post reads the way it does.
Forty one and forty five, Jersey side, together twelve years. How we do it now: several conversations before meeting. A first meeting in public with all three of us and no plan for afterwards. A second one, some weeks later. Direct questions about what you want and what you are afraid of, asked apart from each other so that nobody is performing for anybody. Then a written outline, and a month before anything at all is settled.
Some people find this cold. We understand why, and two people have told us so directly, one of them at length. We have decided we would rather lose those people than repeat ourselves. The version of us that moved quickly was warmer to talk to and considerably worse to be involved with.
We are looking for a submissive for something ongoing, with both of us involved. He leads, I do not, and I am fully in this as a participant rather than a spectator.
Not looking for anyone who wants to skip stages to demonstrate keenness. Not looking for someone who says yes to everything, which is now a warning sign to us rather than a green light. Not looking for anything to begin this summer.