Married fifteen years, both women, absolute beginners at this part
Posted as fifteen_years_curious
- Looking for
- an experienced couple who would talk to us before anything else
- Experience
- Fifteen years together, and about four months of admitting this.
- Around
- Queens, New York
We have been together fifteen years and married for nine, and until this spring neither of us had said any of this out loud. It came up sideways, during a conversation about something else entirely, and then took over about six weeks of our life.
Forty three and forty six, Queens, both of us with demanding jobs and a dog with a personality problem. We are beginners in the truest sense. We know what we are drawn to and we have essentially no idea how any of it works in practice. We have read a great deal, which we have discovered mostly teaches you what the words mean rather than what to do on a Tuesday evening.
What we would like is to talk to a couple who have been doing this for years. Not to play with, at least not at first. To sit across from and ask the unglamorous questions. How do you negotiate. How do you handle it when one of you wants something the other does not. What do you wish somebody had told you at the beginning.
If friendship comes out of that, we would be delighted. If anything else did, it would be much later and only with people we had become genuinely comfortable with.
Not looking for anyone who wants to demonstrate. Not looking to be an audience. Not looking for advice from somebody who started last year and has strong opinions about it.