One of us has done this for years and one of us has not
Posted as one_of_us_is_new
- Looking for
- someone who will pay attention to the newer half of us
- Experience
- Fourteen years for one of us, seven months for the other.
- Around
- Brooklyn, New York
He has been in this since his twenties. I found out fourteen months ago, after we had been together for three years, when he finally told me, badly, in a car.
We got through that and I am now seven months into discovering that quite a lot of it suits me. But the imbalance is real and we would be lying if we hid it in order to look tidier.
Forty four and thirty eight, Brooklyn. What the imbalance means in practice: he knows the words, the etiquette and everybody's assumptions, and I know none of it. In two conversations with other people, both times, the discussion drifted toward him and I ended up as a spectator to a negotiation about me. Both times he stopped it. It should not have needed stopping.
So the thing we want is somebody who will talk to me directly. Ask me what I want, in my own words, and be willing to sit through the slow version while I work out what the answer actually is.
We are looking for a woman, dominant, for something occasional and unhurried while I find my feet. Not looking for anyone who wants to arrange things with him and then inform me. Not looking to move quickly. Not looking for someone who assumes that because he is experienced, my limits must be provisional.