Out of a fifteen year marriage, cautious and saying so
Posted as newly_single_s
- Looking for
- conversation first, at a pace that will annoy some people
- Experience
- Fifteen years with one person, all of it switching, none of it public.
- Around
- Jersey side, New York
I have not dated anybody since I was thirty three. I am now forty nine. Everything about how people meet has changed and I find most of it exhausting.
My marriage had this in it from the second year and it was the best part of it. We switched, easily, for fifteen years, and when it ended last spring the first thing I grieved was not the marriage. It was having somebody who knew that about me without ever having to be told.
Jersey side, within reach of the city, working full time, two grown children who do not know and will not. I am being deliberately slow. Messages, then a phone call, then a coffee somewhere ordinary, and I am not going to be talked out of that order by anyone. I understand it costs me matches. I would rather lose the ones I was always going to lose.
What I want eventually is another long thing. I am not built for anything else and I have stopped pretending I might be, which was a useful thing to work out at forty nine rather than sixty.
Not looking for anyone who wants to hear about my marriage in detail. Not looking to be somebody's first experience of switching, because I do not have the patience I had at thirty. And not looking for anyone who says they are also taking it slowly and then asks to meet on Thursday.