An independent field handbook · Non-explicit · Adults 18+

BDSM Dating

The practical handbook for meeting kinky partners, online and off

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Switches Brooklyn, New York

Complete beginner, thirty four, faintly embarrassed to be here

Posted as two_left_feet

Looking for
someone who remembers being new and did not enjoy it either
Experience
None. Six months of reading and one very awkward social.
Around
Brooklyn, New York

I went to one social in March. I stood near a wall for ninety minutes, said about eleven words in total, and left early feeling as though I had failed an exam I had not studied for. Everybody was perfectly nice. The problem was entirely me.

Thirty four, Brooklyn, no experience at all, six months of reading and one wall. I think I am a switch, based on nothing except what my brain does at two in the morning, and I am aware that deciding you are a switch before you have done anything is a bit like deciding you are ambidextrous before picking up a pen.

What I want is someone patient enough to let me be bad at this for a while. I will ask obvious questions. I will misuse words. I will occasionally get shy in the middle of something and need a minute, and I would rather be with somebody who finds that ordinary than somebody who finds it charming, because charming wears off in about five weeks.

I have a good job, a good group of friends who know nothing about any of this, and a fairly quiet life.

Not looking for anyone who wants to be my first everything in a single evening. Not looking for someone who describes themselves as a teacher and means something else by it. Not looking to be talked past my own pace, which I suspect will be slow.

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