Eleven years with one person, and now I have forgotten how to begin
Posted as out_of_practice
- Looking for
- someone patient with a person who has done this exactly once
- Experience
- Eleven years, one dynamic, and no idea how any of this works.
- Around
- Belleville, Paris
I met him at twenty nine, we were together eleven years, and it ended in January. In all that time I never had to introduce myself to anybody, never wrote a message like this, never negotiated with a stranger. I have eleven years of experience and absolutely none of the thing everybody else on this board seems to find ordinary.
Forty four, Paris, submissive. What I know how to do is be in a long dynamic. I know how to hold a standard for years, how to report honestly, how to be corrected without sulking, how to make a shared life work with this inside it. What I do not know how to do is any part of what comes before that.
The first three conversations I had here went badly, and looking back I think I was treating them as though the arrangement already existed, which must have been alarming to receive.
So I am going slowly and saying plainly that I am inexperienced in a way that does not match my years. I would like to write for a while. I would like a first meeting that is a conversation and nothing else. I would like somebody who will tell me when I am moving too fast, because I do not trust my own sense of pace at the moment.
I live alone in a small flat in the east of the city, I work three days a week, and I have more time than I know what to do with. I am not looking to replace eleven years. I know that is not available.