Fifty six, and I would like to be addressed formally, always
Posted as the_formal_you
- Looking for
- a dominant who understands why the formal address matters
- Experience
- Twenty three years, two long arrangements, both quite formal.
- Around
- the Marais, Paris
In both of my long arrangements we used vous, in every context, for the entire duration, including in circumstances where it was frankly absurd. It was not a game and it was not affectation. It was the single most reliable mechanism I have found for keeping a distance that makes obedience possible.
Fifty six, Paris, submissive, twenty three years. I am a lawyer, which people assume explains the formality, and I think it is the other way round: I chose a formal profession for the same reason I want a formal dynamic.
What I mean by formal, practically: fixed forms of address, a written agreement reviewed twice a year, rules about how I present myself, permission required for a defined set of things, and correction that is delivered calmly and in complete sentences. What I do not mean is theatre. There is no costume. Almost nothing about this would be visible to anybody watching us in a restaurant, apart from a certain carefulness.
I have no interest in pain. That has never once been part of it and I am not going to be persuaded in month four. I live alone in the south of the city, I work long hours, and my time is genuinely my own from Friday evening.
I would want a long correspondence first, and I would want it to be written carefully, because the way somebody writes is the only real evidence available at the beginning. I would prefer a dominant over forty. This is not about looks. It is that I have twice tried to hand authority to somebody who had not yet had to exercise any in their own life.